Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
