what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
