His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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