dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
