i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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