I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
