Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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