I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
