How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
