I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
false alarm. still invincible.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
