I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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