I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
