Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
