I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
