So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
