I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
