Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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