he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
