NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
