So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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