He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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