Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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