3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
