honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
