Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
