you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
