it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
