Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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