So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
