im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
