I wish they made helmets for livers.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's blow job season.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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