he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
