mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
there was a trapeze. enough said
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
