And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize