capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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