I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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