I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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