my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
