Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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