Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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