Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
