it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
