Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
