I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
