You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
