I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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