BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
