apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
