I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
