The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
