I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
