Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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