We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
