yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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