All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
