It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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