I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
