Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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