apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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