She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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