So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
