he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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