I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
