im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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