We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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