yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
