Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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