The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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