Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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