I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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