Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
