i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
