I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
