those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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