Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
