I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
